Proud and Heavy Dreamer

by Kathryn Pallakoff

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about

All Words and Music by Kathryn Pallakoff
Produced, engineered, mixed and mastered by Christopher Haynes at emitter.

credits

released February 29, 2016

Kathryn Pallakoff: vocals and acoustic guitar on all songs; percussion on "Hard Down in This Hole" and "American Astronaut"; additional keyboard on "Unicorn Scars".

Blair Sinta (Alanis Morissette, Melissa Etheridge, Damien Rice): all drums.

Carl Byron: keyboards on "Hard Down in This Hole", "American Astronaut", "Unicorn Scars" and "Liquid Sound".

Christopher Haynes: all electric bass; additional guitar and keyboard on "Sorry for the Way" and "Unicorn Scars".

Geoff Pearlman (Jakob Dylan, Shelby Lynne, Linda Perry): electric guitar on "Hard Down in This Hole" and "American Astronaut"; vocal harmonies on "Psyche and Eros".

Rami Jaffee (Foo Fighters, The Wallflowers): Hammond B3 on "Sorry for the Way".


Paul Eckman: double bass on "Liquid Sound".

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Kathryn Pallakoff Los Angeles, California

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Track Name: Hard Down in This Hole
“Oh it’s hard down in this hole.”
Said the rabbit to the toad
“It ain’t nothing like it seems
Like the rabbit in your dreams.”
“Yeah, I know just what you mean.”

Chorus:
No one ever tells you
No one ever tells you
To smile at your loss
Cuz each one brings
Another toss
Of the coin
You’re the one who changed my world
You’re the one who changed my world

“Well I’ve got warts upon my back.
And today I got attacked
By my lily pad
And try to spend all day
Eating flies
Lord my mouth is f*****g dry.”

Chorus:
No one ever tells you
No one ever tells you
To smile at your loss
Cuz each one brings
Another toss
Of the coin
You’re the one who changed my world
You’re the one who changed my world
Track Name: American Astronaut
You’re the American Astronaut
You can shoot me to the moon
You’re black and white and leather bound
I smell the jet-flame fuel and feel your heartbeat pound

Chorus:
And the only sounds out here
Are fearless notes
And tearless nights
We’ve left the ground, we’re almost out of sight.
Strap me in and make your rocket fly.
We won’t come back till all the wrong we’ve done is right.

Hot night. Space bar fight.
The only rule is you can’t bite.
Empty glasses, loaded glances.
Won’t you take me now to Mars?
Cuz we’ve already come so far

Chorus:
And the only sounds out here
Are fearless notes
And tearless nights
We’ve left the ground, we’re almost out of sight.
Strap me in and make this rocket fly.
We won’t come back till all the wrong we’ve done is right.

You’re the American Astronaut
You can shoot me to the moon.
Track Name: Psyche and Eros
My breath below
My heart above
The head knows not
What the Soul speaks of
So goodbye my dove, goodbye.

Chorus:
Goodbye, goodbye
My sweet, my light
I'm at your feet
While you're at flight

Even when the sun has set
It lights up the moon
All the while that you are gone
You will still hear this tune.

Chorus:
Goodbye, goodbye
My sweet, my light
I'm at your feet
While you're at flight
Goodbye, goodbye
My sweet, my light
I'm at your feet
While you're at flight

If you come back
I promise to show
My heart above
My breath below
Goodbye my friend, my song

Chorus:
Goodbye my love
My sweet, my light
I'm at your feet
While you're at flight
Goodbye, goodbye
My sweet, my light
I'm at your feet
Why are you at flight?
Track Name: Maybe
Maybe you’re Adam
Maybe you’re Eve
Maybe I’m your downfall
Sometimes it seems
There’s too much sin
But kindness always
wins

Maybe I’m poker-chips
Maybe I’m dice
Maybe you’re my jackpot
Maybe a vice
Gamblers may lose
But luck always
is near

Maybe I’m water
Maybe I’m dirt
Maybe you’re my sunshine
For whatever it’s worth
Romantics may lose
But love is something
You choose
Don’t disappear
Love always
is here
Track Name: Enormous Yes
“On me your voice falls as they say love should,
Like an enormous Yes.” (P. Larkin)
“Your love doesn’t know its majesty
Until it knows its helplessness.” (Rumi)

Don’t be afraid, come away with me
Pocket of dreams, starlight and glitter
The feeling’s in me. It was there all along
It’s got nothing to do with you

And I want you
You’re a dream, you’re a dream, you’re a dream
I don’t need you
Things are not what they seem

You’re afraid, you’re afraid, you’re afraid
Stop pouring your fears into me
Go away, go away, go away
Till you can be fully here with me

We’re the same, we’re the same, we’re the same
Stop playing a game with me
What a shame, what a shame, what a shame
Cuz I know you’re in love with me

“On me your voice falls as they say love should,
Like an enormous Yes.” (P. Larkin)
Track Name: Big Bang
blue-green vase
candle light
cloudy night
flame flickers
neighbors bicker
wax drips
shadow on the wall
trying to recall

concentric rings
in and out
dancing
--------
disappearing
and they do
always
just disappear

disappear
hollow vs. shallow
faded hand
faded man
sea-foam colored trees
crying leaves
they're more use to the dirt
and the ground consoles with spring

Big Bang
cosmic flames
black hole
--------
gravity
hydrogen
when did time begin?
will we still be friends?

electrons
protons
particles and waves
--------
crystalline days
subatomic quarks
magnetic force
E=mc2

what's the score?
what's it for?
don't you need me anymore?
--------
heart sore
heart tore
won't I see you anymore?
Track Name: Sorry for the Way
When you were young
You cried all the way to school
Mom said some people are cruel
They’re frauds and they’re fools
But darlin’ don’t let that stop you

Now, you’re like the dawn
You’re here
And then you’re gone
You’re like a star
you’re so far away.

Chorus:
And I’m sorry for the way
People treated you today
It’s not right I’ll tell them so
We’ve got such a long way to go

Now you slip past my smile
Wrap yourself in arms of jewels
Wishing they were arms
Of someone who could save you
Oh I wish I could save you

Chorus:
And I’m sorry for the way
People treated you today
It’s not right I’ll tell them so
We’ve got such a long way to go

We stood in No Regrets Hotel
Across from Farewell Angelina Café
Baby, love will save the day
But first you gotta get out of its way

And the rainbow’s end has no gold
It’s made of stuff that can’t be sold
Still you’ve been looking for so long
For something to believe in
Oh I wish you could believe in me

Chorus:
And I’m sorry for the way
People treated you today
It’s not right I’ll tell them so
We’ve got such a long way to go
Track Name: Easy
You wasted all my time but not my love
I may not be your speed, but I’m still your dove
Nothing’s lost that rises above
Try to tell me your heart didn’t soar
When I rode you on my wing, singin’ us through the downpour

They say men love you if you’re hard to get
But my heart’s on my sleeve and I bet you won’t forget
How I melted yours and swam through it
like a deep deep deep deep pool
I may be easy but I’m no fool.
Track Name: Cosmic Altar
Sunrise walk to the railroad station
Broken tracks to the next destination
Waiting’s not a game for the fragile at heart
It’s for those who like to gamble
And need fodder for their art.

And you don’t have to wait for me
You don’t have to wait for me

You don’t have to wait for me
I love you so I set you free
Blue-green sky and the pearl-gray sea
Tell the story of
disappearing me

I don’t have to wait for you
I don’t have to wait for you

I don’t have to wait for you
Sticky things and crazy glue
They can hold stuff down but they can’t hold you through
Dark nights of the soul
Contemplating what you’re due

We don’t have to wait for us
We don’t have to wait for us

We don’t have to wait for us
But I’m still not hopping on that crowded bus
Of jaded souls and non-believers
I’m a proud and heavy dreamer

We may not wait, but we won’t falter
I’ll meet you at the Cosmic Altar
Track Name: Unicorn Scars
Radiohead played by the bed
And you mouthed, “I’ve given all I can. It’s not enough.”
You shine like a crescent moon

Chorus:
Unicorn scars
You gave them to me
Unicorn scars
It’s a long story
Unicorn scars
I think I’m ready

Gainsbourg played on tape cassette
While we shared a cigarette
You don’t want to give up anything

Chorus:
But unicorn scars
You gave them to me
Unicorn scars
It’s a long story
Unicorn scars
I think I’m ready
Unicorn scars
To forgive you

I forgive you
I forgive you
Track Name: Liquid Sound
I hung around too long
After all the other girls had gone
But your strings cast a spell
In your harmonic web I fell

Maybe I’m the fool
Betray me like your sacred prostitute
I’ll be a martyr to your muse
I’ll give you something to lose

Just take me in your hold
I’ll do whatever I am told
You can divide me up in parts
Because feet won’t break your heart

I’ve been in your shoes
A twisted knot that glues you to
The hundred-thousand views
Not knowing which to choose

Take the door that you don’t know
Past liquid sorrow and foe
There’s no choice that can be wrong
Ugly-pretty is still a song

And either way I’ll sing for you
And liquid sound will river you
Either way I’ll sing for you
And liquid sound will river you